Strange Reading

  

         This is new.

           I read many novels and miscellanies; most of them were not hard to understand. But this, this is new- Rainer Maria Rilke’s ‘Breife en einen jungen Dutcher(Letters to a Young Poet).’

           Okay. Maybe I’m just 17. There’s a lot I haven’t experienced. Still, I read many books. I thought I can at least understand what others tell me. Apparently, that was a serious misconception.

           Just to let you know, ‘understanding’ does not just mean recognizing the lexical meaning of each word and sentence. One has to truly understand the author’s purpose and thoughts. I couldn’t. I was merely reading the words and pronouncing it in the head. Even if I went back and try to concentrate, I couldn’t. Even when I read it thoroughly and finally understand the meaning of the sentence, I could feel nothing, nothing. Utterly surprising really, if I think about how much I was look forward to read this book and the overwhelming happiness I felt when I read the first few letters.

           So I wondered: why?

           I even presented another copy of the book as a gift for my friend’s birthday, speaking very highly of it. Now, I still haven’t finished the book. As I try to read the letters, I can feel it: normally, I would have loved this book. The words are carefully crafted, and the writer has extreme sensitivity and unique perspective that let us readers to be grateful for who we are. I was happy to enjoy such privilege until somehow I became strange.

           And I wondered again: why?

           I tried reading different books then, careful not to read literary works- I don’t want to get mixed up. I chose a nonfiction book about Korean democracy. I haven’t finished it yet, it was very interesting, which means that with other books, I’m just fine! I had no idea what to do.