The Darkness Monster- Photo Essay version #2

The Darkness Monster

Sometimes, when my heart is so crumpled and crushed with fear, I want to simply disappear into the darkness- and never come back, like the poor kids in a horror movie. “And then there were none,” it’d say.

It was a plain weekend in fall, and I was at home after a few months’ time. I had finished my first exam in KMLA- and so to speak, it wasn’t all that enjoyable. I looked back at times of middle school, thinking, if I could get in KMLA, my life would be much happier!, which is, I find, misleading. Saturday morning, I was so angry at myself, for not trying my hardest, and so scared of the world, afraid it might just leave me behind. What if they suddenly decide I’m not qualified for being here? What if they kick me out?’ Such stupid thoughts were dangling inside my brain, stabbing myself.

Finally, after an hour of crawling inside my bed like an infant, I pulled out my digital camera and hopped on my bicycle, determined to reach somewhere far, far away, where nobody would notice my presence. I needed someplace where there’s a glass wall between everybody, blocking any touches.

After 2 hours of pedaling, on a road by the stream, I could see a black hole from far away. It gradually became clearer- an underpass. I skidded. I accelerated as fast as I could, imagining that the wall might let me go through, just like the platform three fourth. Then I stopped.

That was even before I entered the descendant. For only one reason- I am afraid of darkness. If I have to go into a dark room, I get out of there as quickly as I can, panting. Staring down at the endless dark gave me goose bumps. Possessively, I pressed the shutter. I felt obliged to keep that special moment forever. The dirty wall, symmetric road, gradually deepening darkness… all of it, I wanted to preserve forever. At that moment, I wanted to go into the dark. I moved my feet to rest on the pedals. One more step and it’ll be over. I would reach the endpoint in no time.

And suddenly, everything changed. I was no longer a small girl on a bicycle, but a brave knight in her best armor, facing the darkness monster, the most reckless of all times.  I overcame the fear and got the courage to pioneer the dark, it wouldn’t be all dark after all- it would be another world, like the underpass- the path to the other side of the road. I stepped on my pedal, kicking the ground as I went. For a slight moment, I was free. Everything around me, every bit of concern, the loud noise, ceased to nothingness. My heart was too full for words. Thank goodness I took the picture...

And all it took was just a little step, a tiny bit of courage.

Don’t you ever wonder, what happens to the missing kids? Nobody ever sees them again. Maybe they’ve reached another world, where they can start all over. Maybe, just maybe, if we overcome the fear, go through the dark times, a completely new world will reveal itself. Why don’t we try, for one time in our lives? Charge towards the darkness monster… or whatever’s frightening ourselves.