Photo Essay- Darkness

*still needs some revision!

     Sometimes, when my heart is so crumpled and crushed with fear, I want to simply disappear into the darkness- and never come back, like the poor kids in a horror movie. “And then there were none,” it’d say.

     It was a plain weekend of fall, and I was at home after a few months’ time. I had finished my first exam in KMLA- and so to speak, it wasn’t all that enjoyable. I remember the times in my previous year, thinking, ‘If I could get in KMLA, my life would be much happier!’ which is, of course, so not true. That Saturday morning, I was so angry of myself, for not trying my hardest, and so scared of the world, afraid it might just leave me behind. ‘What if they suddenly decide I’m not qualified for being here? What if they kick me out?’ Such stupid thoughts were dangling inside my brain, punishing myself.

     Finally, after an hour of crawling inside my bed like an infant, I pulled my digital camera and bicycle and just took off, determined to reach somewhere far, far away, where nobody would know my presence. I accelerated as fast as I could, hoping for some crazy fantastical thing to happen- exactly what it was, I have no idea.

That was when I saw this underpass. From the far away, I could see I was approaching a black hole. It gradually became clearer- an underpass. I stopped right in front of it possessedly.

     You know what? I am afraid of darkness. If I have to go into a dark room, I get out of there as quickly as I can, panting. I can name all the horror movies I’ve watched, perhaps because I studied them over and over again at night, staring at the ceiling and sweating.

Still, that day, I wanted to go into the dark- I knew that if I step on the pedal just one more time, I could straightly go down the way and reach the endpoint. I stared at the darkness for a long time. And suddenly, I felt obliged to go down there. I felt that if I overcome the fear and get the courage to pioneer the dark, it won’t be all dark after all- it was be another world, like the underpass- the path to the other side of the road. I stepped on my pedal, kicking the land as I go.

     It was the most unnecessary action to do- I would have to come back up again. However, for a slight moment, I felt free. I was free with my fantastical imagination, hoping for a heaven- until I reached the bottom and realized the truth by skin. Still, I never regretted doing that stupid thing. What an irony! I fear the dark, but I wanted to escape into the darkness. Didn’t you ever wonder, what would happen to the disappeared kids? Nobody ever sees them again- maybe they’ve reached another world, where they can start all over. Maybe, just maybe, if we overcome the fear, go through the dark times, a completely new world will show upon my sight.

     The fear that darkness gives us is the fear of the unknown. But who knows what would be in there for real? All it takes to find out is some courage. If you discover that there is nothing down the dark, you might actually find another world- another world full of courage and wisdom. Maybe that’s when kids grow up.